Let’s talk about hunting witches

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the innocent women jailed and then murdered in Salem, Massachusetts. I couldn’t tell you why. That’s sarcasm of course, I can tell you exactly why. What must it be like to be living your life when all of the sudden some man comes out of nowhere and locks you up, then blames you for all the ills of his world because he doesn’t understand the ills enough to do anything about them himself? I guess it’s easier for him to point the finger at an imaginary cause and then make that “cause” disappear so no one can ask any follow ups.

That’s what happened back then. The Puritans of the 17th century were seeing big changes to their way of life, and as so often happens with change, people freaked out and placed the blame for everything they didn’t like onto a minority. Women on the fringe were blamed for failed crops and oddly behaved children, even for causing a man’s death three weeks after an argument over pigs. The accused were caged in terrible conditions while waiting to stand trial (if you can call it that). In court, alleged witches were forced to confess and to turn on others to save themselves from being hanged. They were not allowed to be represented by lawyers and the evidence brought against them was bullsh*t. Something as inconsequential as a mark on your skin (i.e. a mole) could seal your fate at the gallows. The brutal murder of men and women said to be witches has happened several times throughout history, but none quite so chaotic as what happened in Salem. Within the span of just months, twenty people were executed under the charge of witchcraft. The governor finally put a stop to the trials once his own wife was accused. And people say nepotism is unethical.

I am grateful I didn’t exist in the 17th century when the court’s proceedings were so informal. As an independent woman, it’s nice to know our country has a guidebook for how things should proceed if I am ever accused of witchcraft. Now it’s required the accuser have the evidence together before they tie anybody to the stake. Both sides know that proper evidence is needed to make a conviction and the onus falls to the prosecution. They must also gather it quickly since the accused is guaranteed the right to not be kept waiting around in a jail cell while the prosecution gets it’s sh*t together. It’s all spelled out clearly. The spectral evidence used to convict the women in Massachusetts would be laughed out of the courtroom as uneducated nonsense today. Lawyers need to put in some more elbow grease into our civil law.

First, make sure you actually have a witch. Most of the women they picked up back in 1692 were not witches. Witches don’t go easily. In today’s world, it’s best to be certain the woman you are accusing is indeed a witch doing witch activities because you’re going to have to prove it in the court of law before the rest of us can consider her detainment lawful. I don’t know much about the specific laws myself, but I’m sure there’s a book we could reference.

Second, have the f*cking paper work together. It takes longer to set a trial date if you’re not ready to go with all of your ironclad evidence. As I understand it there are a lot of options for the evidence allowed in court. I’m sure each of those has a clear explanation written down somewhere in case you’re curious. I do know that because you think it is not evidence. And I know a woman is not a witch just because her cousin is.

The Puritan lawyers’ story was that the hand of the Devil was acting through each witch and that’s why they had to be hanged or pressed or some other grisly end their God helped them come up with. That would never stand today. Show me the transcripts. What did the Devil make her do with her two hands? Provide the origin evidence of the crime and the court body will determine who is at fault. Lawyers today don’t tell a story about the Devil, they present evidence of a crime to other people who then decide whether or not she’s a guilty witch. It’s unfair if the guy who prosecutes the witch is also the one who kicks out her stool. It makes me think twice about what he gains from bringing the charges.