life-with-ink
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Valentine’s Day has come and gone. My opinion of the holiday has had it’s ups and downs throughout the years, usually tied to the presence of someone to celebrate with. This year, I welcomed the simplicity of it—a day to celebrate love for others, traditionally by way of flowery note. I have a great appreciation…
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What’s the responsibility of the artist painting the picture? There is an old Buddhist parable about some blind guys who come across an elephant. It’s been retold many times, but Wikipedia says the Buddhists were first so that’s who I’m giving credit to. The story is that a group of blind men are hanging around…
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We don’t have a lot of rules in our house. You do have to finish your dinner (well, most of it) to get dessert. You have to keep the floor of your bedroom clean. We don’t allow running in the kitchen, or playing on the stairs. But for the rest of life, we tend to…
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Do you think money does something to the brain? Recently I watched some rich guys talk about all the great work they’re doing for humanity. But they seemed unaware of the humans outside of their tech bubble. It got me thinking there might be some level of net worth that disrupts your connection to reality.…
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Chapter 4 Asher didn’t mind the long walk to the Anthill. She loved walking, her brain settled into a peaceful, melodic rhythm with the sound of her footsteps. The sunlight that morning was pleasant and warm, casting a golden shimmer across the trees giving each crest of leaves a halo. She thought of Penny basking…
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Reality has had a rough go recently, hasn’t it? A lot of people are treating reality like it’s up for debate, like they might be able to convince us that there is some other version of reality with their words alone. I think we’ve been over this—reality is more than words. It’s also more than…
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Chapter 3 Asher awoke as the first rays of light peered through the trees outside of the open doorway. Her night felt too brief, but she was on her feet before she had time to consider sleeping in. Her morning ritual was sacred. She poured herself a glass of water from the full pitcher someone…
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I watched an unsettling movie recently. It was about a murderous, young woman during the first world war. The title character, Pearl, lived and worked on a farm with her strict German mother and ailing father, and dreamed of becoming a dancer in the pictures. I watched it too close to bedtime and ended up…
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Chapter 2 Asher was escorted to the commons by the young guard with all the pockets posted outside of Ren’s study whose name she learned was Midge. Asher had also learned that Midge was gifted in reading the intentions of others. Midge appeared quite proud of being granted a position of such importance given their…
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Chapter 1 Through the edge of the tree line the large, gray building came into view, ivy climbed unkemptly over the north corner. The sun shone weakly through a haze of clouds diffusing the light enough that the full shape of it could be seen clearly with the naked eye. Asher paused for a moment…
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Most of the time I believe in signs from the universe. I believe if you pay close attention, you can find confirmations from the cosmos on decisions you’ve made, or guidance to life’s questions by noticing the signs and synchronicities that pop up around you. I know not everyone believes in this kind of thing.…
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After the Thanksgiving holiday my sister-in-law came by to spend time with her brother and our kids. I asked her what she and her family did to celebrate the day. We chatted for a while and she mentioned she’d noticed that their holiday traditions seemed to change every five to ten years. She was resigned…
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Next week I’ll celebrate my forty-second birthday. I’ve never been much of a birthday person, but this one seems especially mid. It’s not youthful and relevant, or old and wise, it falls into the unexceptional middle. I’ll probably order takeout. I think I feel loneliness more intensely than the other emotions. I can feel much,…
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And I won’t shut up about it Remember when the maze on the back of the cereal box was difficult? I bought my kids a box of Froot Loops, and I ate a few fistfuls the other day when I got the munchies (which happens more often than I care to admit). I spent some…
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Recently, I picked up a copy of Little Altars Everywhere at my local thrift store. I passed it up for a few weeks, but it kept catching my eye. I brought it home to add to my collection, I so love the title. It’s how I kept sight of myself through this crumbling, or how…
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Staying through the raw There is construction directly across the street from the apartment my husband and I share. We’re never in it at the same time. It’s a bizarre way to live with someone. We are separating our lives after 25 years together, and we were in need of a new living situation. I…
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Music and Time I listen to a lot of music. Well, maybe I should say I listen to music a lot. It’s usually the same songs over and over. I’m fond of familiarity. Whenever I drive, fold laundry, or tackle the mess in the kitchen before cooking dinner, I put on my headphones and play…
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One of my favorite mom duties is making costumes for my kids. When they were younger, I made it a month long event, spreading materials out over every work surface in the house, using any free moment to glue on another plastic leaf. When my oldest was too young to decide on his own costume,…
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The complexity of zoning permits I am not able to trust. I know I am supposed to be careful with my words and never say that I can’t do something I want to do so that the possibility remains open in my mind, but on this one I need to be honest with myself. I…
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Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer My philosophy professor recommended a book when I attended his class a few semesters ago. I bought it back then, but it hung around on my nightstand for a while. I’m finally on page 310 of Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer. I understand it’s customary to review a…
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When the only option is digging deep. I was naive when I started therapy. I was sure I could be fixed. I believed I was the problem in each of my relationships. I expected too much. And I had some anger issues I had to work on. I was livid with absolutely everyone. I walked…
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What is free speech? I lost a friend last week. I’m trying not to spiral about it and I’m doing an okay job, I think. She sent a final text that said I had been sharp and dismissive of her and she hoped I understood. I do not understand. It was the first time she…
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this one’s for me I have a propensity for cynicism. I think it’s because I see things for what they are. It’s hard to open yourself to the troubles of the world and not start the calculations. I do fight it. I need to. Cynicism keeps me from my real life. The one I blew…
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Aspirations in waste management Our next door neighbor grows a beautiful flower garden every summer. Around this time of year she usually gifts our family a bright bouquet of all kinds of colorful blooms. My favorite are her sunflowers, that fully saturated yellow makes it difficult to feel depressed. Some of them grow so tall…
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Whenever I see a bug or a small creature, or even a large creature come to think of it—if I see something that is not human—I assume that thing is male with the exception of things that I think of as inherently feminine like flowers or bees. Outside my apartment, I noticed a pansy had…
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What changes in the present when you set your site ahead When we moved into our house nearly two decades ago, it was like stepping into a well-preserved time capsule from the 1960s. The only previous owner was a childless couple. Presumably the wife had a fixation with trendy interior design when the house was…
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Can we govern a country without morals? I hardly feel qualified to weigh in on the role government should play in the morality of it’s citizens (but here I go). My stance is it shouldn’t have a role at all. I think the most elegant addition the founders included in the formation of our nation…
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Camping with kids I bet Socrates was insufferable to be around. If you’re not familiar with the Socratic Method (named after the way Socrates practiced philosophy), he was basically a “Why?” kid. He’d find a willing participant to engage in debate and then he’d question their beliefs relentlessly until they came to an agreement on…
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Death alone is certain I think there’s an expression that goes: nothing is certain except death and taxes. That’s a bit f*cked if you ask me, but no one is (asking me, I mean; no one is asking me). The death part makes sense though, it comes for us all. When I first started writing…
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Is money the answer to everything? I like money. I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t in this world. I guess maybe if you have a lot of it, you don’t have to like it. It’s just around you like water in a fishbowl. Do the fish like the water? I do think my reasons…
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It’s going to be a quick one today. First of all, I have no idea what I’m going to write about. Usually by Sunday morning I know the topic and at least one shrewd play on words I want to squeeze in somewhere, but this week I’ve got nothing. Second, I am preoccupied with planning…
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Is it still a thing? My algorithm is full of advice on how to manage my own emotions regarding the behavior of other people in my life. I do tend to get caught in an empathy trap. I try to get inside the heads of other people to understand why they act a certain way…
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An ode to walking around The apartment I rent is directly across the street from an elementary school. Most days I’m here, I sit out on the balcony and entertain myself with the clusterf*ck that is end of day pick-up. There are a few rules for picking up your kid. There’s an established order. There…
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Am I even good enough to have it? I’ve heard that it’s common to view your relationship with God the same way you view your relationship with your parents. I think back to the time a friend asked about my religious beliefs and I told her I was squarely agnostic. I can’t really explain to…
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Looks aren’t everything I was a game to them. One of those little egg-shaped key chains with the creature you care for by beeping its buttons in the right order. You learn to feed it after each playtime to get it to nap. You can’t go too long between baths. After awhile the attention afforded…
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Call a spade a spade I watched a legacy media news program while I ate my breakfast this morning. During the hour with Margaret, I listened to the same wordplay I’ve heard from past administrations (this time obscuring extraordinary crimes, I suspect), I questioned the merits of the next big, beautiful bill with a congressman…
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We should have made that last left A few days ago, I watched a PBS interview with journalist Kara Swisher and at the very end of the talk, it was announced that the administration issued an executive order for the corporation for public broadcasting to freeze federal funding to PBS. I’m not great at identifying…
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the world is always changing This week I went to a weight lifting class that in a past life I attended a few times a week while also raising two small children and forming the youngest one. Back then I worked my way up to the heaviest weight the bar could handle and could hang…
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I feel like celebrating…that’s progress. This day has been hard for the last few years. I’m happy to report this year feels different. Lighter. But because I am otherwise occupied this beautiful Sunday, this semester’s term paper will do double duty here on the blog. The culmination of my ethical education is below. Is Privacy…
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Let’s talk about hunting witches Recently, I’ve been thinking about the innocent women jailed and then murdered in Salem, Massachusetts. I couldn’t tell you why. That’s sarcasm of course, I can tell you exactly why. What must it be like to be living your life when all of the sudden some man comes out of…
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Why we should feel sorry for Rumpelstiltskin. Back when I was in design school, one of the most painful critiques was “The idea is there, but…” That feedback meant I see what you‘re going for, but you’ve ruined it with your choices. Recently, I listened to a BroPod where two influential men discussed a two…
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What’s it to you? I’m around the halfway point in Ethics this semester and it’s time to start making decisions about registering for any Fall courses. Honestly, I’m considering giving up. It’s been a discouraging week for me as a vagina owner. In class on Monday, we covered the Ethics of Care. It is widely…
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The state of the union Every Monday and Wednesday I drive the short distance to my community college to study Ethics. Its a diverse group of students, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to learn from a variety of perspectives. As a class, we discuss right, wrong, and in-between. The course is a highlight of…
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What‘s all this growth for anyway? For a few years now “learn how to garden” has been about two-thirds of the way down my to-do list. I’m not specifically interested in gardening, but my anxious hallucinations have me believing it’s a skill I might need in the future. It feels responsible to be prepared. Unfortunately,…
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once you pop, you can’t stop Yesterday my kids and I watched Frozen as a low-effort celebration of the solstice. The movie has a special place in my daughter’s heart. The solstice has a special place in mine. We made it to the darkest day of the year. The sun is on her way. Frozen…
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what is ordinary forgetting? Lately I’ve been ruminating on memory. It’s the holidays, I guess. I used to be ashamed of my disinterest in the holiday season. The consumerist slant and emphasis on time spent with extended family left me feeling alienated. I’d put on a show for everyone else and keep my disdain for…
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what is it good for? Recently I chose myself. Choosing myself felt a lot like something I am not allowed to do. But after I realized exactly who I wanted to be, I didn’t care whether I was allowed. I was going to be it because it felt wrong to be anything else. That meant…
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What’s going on with men? Walking out of the hardware store a few weeks ago, I faced an older, bald man wearing shorts and a baggy t-shirt on his way in. I made a move to walk around him when he stopped dead in his tracks. “Did you forget your smile in there?” I don’t…
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There’s nothing like pointing to a page All three of my children attend public school. I feel very meh… leaning yikes about it, but we don’t have the thousands of dollars needed to move them into private schools. There are some affordable private schools near us, but they usually require a side of tithe which…
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A lesson on growth This weekend is a busy one for us. The start of summer is a busy season for every parent of school-aged children. At the end of the school year, we congratulate ourselves for making it through nine months of impossible feats of scheduling and logistics with the granddaddy of them all.…
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Today we spent Memorial Day with family. Spending time with others has been difficult for me lately. There’s something about a lengthy battle with your own mind that really puts the rest of life’s tribulations into perspective. I have so much. I find myself easily irritated with others for being normal people talking about normal…
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This morning, I am remembering myself. If you’ve struggled to balance your mental health, you have firsthand experience with a varied sense of self. At the moment of your lowest low you are still yourself, but you are also not you. You are some sadder, more lifeless copy of you, desperately scraping back toward the…
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Last night my father showed up unannounced at my daughter’s dance recital. I have asked my parents repeatedly to let me or my partner know if they planned to come into contact with my children. This is not the first time this rule has been broken. I told him that if he could not respect…
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What it’s like to be a woman tw: I mention the reality of sexual violence During the pandemic I took up walking around my neighborhood. What started as an escape became a choice activity. I’ve grown to really enjoy admiring my neighbor’s lawn ornaments and their well-tended gardens. On days I can afford the time,…
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Lessons of the sunk cost fallacy. One thing that makes my heart happy is turning off my wifi while I write so they can not interfere in my process of telling the truth. I realize this is a tad on the tin foil hat side of thought, and that really, we are all already on…
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Part of the Problem Solvers Series There is nothing more annoying than a problem identifier. You’re sitting there spinning 4 plates and the chubby cheeked kid in the front row points out you dropped the fifth one awhile back. This week I attended election judge training for the primary coming up in my state. I…
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Rewards of slow playing life Last week I set out to accept my first and second tattoos. I wanted to get one by my fortieth birthday and it has only past by one month and a day, so I’m counting it. I attempted to get one on my actual birthday, but the artist I spoke…
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Existing in a world of wars I started meditating during the pandemic because it was the only thing I could think to do. I found myself drawn to meditation tracks featuring Buddhist principles and I often choose those now, when my mind is racing and I feel I would benefit from a bit of meditative…
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When Britney really hit her stride, and they did her wrong. I celebrated a big birthday a few days ago. I am 40. This year, a couple of close friends gave me very thoughtful gifts that I was not expecting. I’m uncomfortable with the idea that people want to do nice things for me simply…
Life with ink 