life
-
chronicles with cannabis I’ve been doing well lately keeping my distance from nature’s finest plant. I admire it from afar. I still think about lighting up anytime I feel sad, or angry, or confused, or I’m a little tired, or a little bored, or the weather is nice, or the weather is crappy, or I’m…
-
Valentine’s Day has come and gone. My opinion of the holiday has had it’s ups and downs throughout the years, usually tied to the presence of someone to celebrate with. This year, I welcomed the simplicity of it—a day to celebrate love for others, traditionally by way of flowery note. I have a great appreciation…
-
What’s the responsibility of the artist painting the picture? There is an old Buddhist parable about some blind guys who come across an elephant. It’s been retold many times, but Wikipedia says the Buddhists were first so that’s who I’m giving credit to. The story is that a group of blind men are hanging around…
-
We don’t have a lot of rules in our house. You do have to finish your dinner (well, most of it) to get dessert. You have to keep the floor of your bedroom clean. We don’t allow running in the kitchen, or playing on the stairs. But for the rest of life, we tend to…
-
Chapter 4 Asher didn’t mind the long walk to the Anthill. She loved walking, her brain settled into a peaceful, melodic rhythm with the sound of her footsteps. The sunlight that morning was pleasant and warm, casting a golden shimmer across the trees giving each crest of leaves a halo. She thought of Penny basking…
-
Reality has had a rough go recently, hasn’t it? A lot of people are treating reality like it’s up for debate, like they might be able to convince us that there is some other version of reality with their words alone. I think we’ve been over this—reality is more than words. It’s also more than…
-
Chapter 3 Asher awoke as the first rays of light peered through the trees outside of the open doorway. Her night felt too brief, but she was on her feet before she had time to consider sleeping in. Her morning ritual was sacred. She poured herself a glass of water from the full pitcher someone…
-
I watched an unsettling movie recently. It was about a murderous, young woman during the first world war. The title character, Pearl, lived and worked on a farm with her strict German mother and ailing father, and dreamed of becoming a dancer in the pictures. I watched it too close to bedtime and ended up…
-
Chapter 2 Asher was escorted to the commons by the young guard with all the pockets posted outside of Ren’s study whose name she learned was Midge. Asher had also learned that Midge was gifted in reading the intentions of others. Midge appeared quite proud of being granted a position of such importance given their…
-
Most of the time I believe in signs from the universe. I believe if you pay close attention, you can find confirmations from the cosmos on decisions you’ve made, or guidance to life’s questions by noticing the signs and synchronicities that pop up around you. I know not everyone believes in this kind of thing.…
-
After the Thanksgiving holiday my sister-in-law came by to spend time with her brother and our kids. I asked her what she and her family did to celebrate the day. We chatted for a while and she mentioned she’d noticed that their holiday traditions seemed to change every five to ten years. She was resigned…
-
Next week I’ll celebrate my forty-second birthday. I’ve never been much of a birthday person, but this one seems especially mid. It’s not youthful and relevant, or old and wise, it falls into the unexceptional middle. I’ll probably order takeout. I think I feel loneliness more intensely than the other emotions. I can feel much,…
-
And I won’t shut up about it Remember when the maze on the back of the cereal box was difficult? I bought my kids a box of Froot Loops, and I ate a few fistfuls the other day when I got the munchies (which happens more often than I care to admit). I spent some…
-
Staying through the raw There is construction directly across the street from the apartment my husband and I share. We’re never in it at the same time. It’s a bizarre way to live with someone. We are separating our lives after 25 years together, and we were in need of a new living situation. I…
-
Music and Time I listen to a lot of music. Well, maybe I should say I listen to music a lot. It’s usually the same songs over and over. I’m fond of familiarity. Whenever I drive, fold laundry, or tackle the mess in the kitchen before cooking dinner, I put on my headphones and play…
-
One of my favorite mom duties is making costumes for my kids. When they were younger, I made it a month long event, spreading materials out over every work surface in the house, using any free moment to glue on another plastic leaf. When my oldest was too young to decide on his own costume,…
-
The complexity of zoning permits I am not able to trust. I know I am supposed to be careful with my words and never say that I can’t do something I want to do so that the possibility remains open in my mind, but on this one I need to be honest with myself. I…
-
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer My philosophy professor recommended a book when I attended his class a few semesters ago. I bought it back then, but it hung around on my nightstand for a while. I’m finally on page 310 of Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer. I understand it’s customary to review a…
-
When the only option is digging deep. I was naive when I started therapy. I was sure I could be fixed. I believed I was the problem in each of my relationships. I expected too much. And I had some anger issues I had to work on. I was livid with absolutely everyone. I walked…
-
What is free speech? I lost a friend last week. I’m trying not to spiral about it and I’m doing an okay job, I think. She sent a final text that said I had been sharp and dismissive of her and she hoped I understood. I do not understand. It was the first time she…
-
this one’s for me I have a propensity for cynicism. I think it’s because I see things for what they are. It’s hard to open yourself to the troubles of the world and not start the calculations. I do fight it. I need to. Cynicism keeps me from my real life. The one I blew…
-
Aspirations in waste management Our next door neighbor grows a beautiful flower garden every summer. Around this time of year she usually gifts our family a bright bouquet of all kinds of colorful blooms. My favorite are her sunflowers, that fully saturated yellow makes it difficult to feel depressed. Some of them grow so tall…
-
Whenever I see a bug or a small creature, or even a large creature come to think of it—if I see something that is not human—I assume that thing is male with the exception of things that I think of as inherently feminine like flowers or bees. Outside my apartment, I noticed a pansy had…
-
What changes in the present when you set your site ahead When we moved into our house nearly two decades ago, it was like stepping into a well-preserved time capsule from the 1960s. The only previous owner was a childless couple. Presumably the wife had a fixation with trendy interior design when the house was…
-
Can we govern a country without morals? I hardly feel qualified to weigh in on the role government should play in the morality of it’s citizens (but here I go). My stance is it shouldn’t have a role at all. I think the most elegant addition the founders included in the formation of our nation…
-
Camping with kids I bet Socrates was insufferable to be around. If you’re not familiar with the Socratic Method (named after the way Socrates practiced philosophy), he was basically a “Why?” kid. He’d find a willing participant to engage in debate and then he’d question their beliefs relentlessly until they came to an agreement on…
-
Tomorrow I will embark on another RV vacation with my kids. This time I’ll be the only adult in attendance and to my recollection (which admittedly isn’t very good) it will be the first overnight adventure I have done on my own with all three of them. The RV enables my hyper-independence. It provides the…
-
Death alone is certain I think there’s an expression that goes: nothing is certain except death and taxes. That’s a bit f*cked if you ask me, but no one is (asking me, I mean; no one is asking me). The death part makes sense though, it comes for us all. When I first started writing…
-
Is money the answer to everything? I like money. I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t in this world. I guess maybe if you have a lot of it, you don’t have to like it. It’s just around you like water in a fishbowl. Do the fish like the water? I do think my reasons…
-
Is it still a thing? My algorithm is full of advice on how to manage my own emotions regarding the behavior of other people in my life. I do tend to get caught in an empathy trap. I try to get inside the heads of other people to understand why they act a certain way…
-
An ode to walking around The apartment I rent is directly across the street from an elementary school. Most days I’m here, I sit out on the balcony and entertain myself with the clusterf*ck that is end of day pick-up. There are a few rules for picking up your kid. There’s an established order. There…
-
Call a spade a spade I watched a legacy media news program while I ate my breakfast this morning. During the hour with Margaret, I listened to the same wordplay I’ve heard from past administrations (this time obscuring extraordinary crimes, I suspect), I questioned the merits of the next big, beautiful bill with a congressman…
-
the world is always changing This week I went to a weight lifting class that in a past life I attended a few times a week while also raising two small children and forming the youngest one. Back then I worked my way up to the heaviest weight the bar could handle and could hang…
-
What it means to me. I’m off the wagon. I know that off the wagon is the correct usage because I know the origin of the expression. Old-timey do-gooders would go around town, round up all the drunks, and load them onto a wagon to take them to a church basement to sober up. Some…
-
Preaching to the choir Recently, I watched a PBS special on the Gilded Age with my nine-year-old. I started the documentary twice before but both attempts were at night, and while I always appreciate the quality content PBS provides, this documentary was one with a mild-mannered narrator and a lot of the same images slowly…
-
When you don’t need words to convey meaning. We all know what that means, don’t we? Do what you can to help, but make sure you take care of yourself during this time. We don’t need to explain it. The time is what it is. We are living it together. If you’re not heartless (in…
-
this one’s about the big “D” When I first started sliding into my depression, I noticed my partner trying to cheer me up after I casually mentioned something I considered to be a matter of fact. I would give a simple summary of some phenomenon in a way that usually combined and explained some far-reaching…
-
What it is to think about people who aren’t you I’m a people pleaser. That’s the catchy moniker that the mental health machine appointed for the people who care about the happiness and comfort of other people. Personally, I’m of the opinion that caring about other people isn’t all that bad. Just yesterday, I saw…
-
There are two sides to every coin On Tuesday I’ll be back at the polls again. Sometime in the last few months, I’ve misplaced my rose colored glasses. My spine feels weary in anticipation of the long day on my feet operating the democratic system. It’s not so much the system that makes me weary,…
-
proof is in the pudding Nothing happens in a vacuum. I can’t pick one fight because, you see, they are all related. F*ck the f*cking f*ckers. Elon Musk said he would put a baby in Taylor Swift. He wrote it as if that’s what she was asking for all along. As if that’s the message…
-
And the lessons we learn along the way. There was a time when I when I could get it up for a clean baseboard. The grit of diving in and fully committing to get your elbows dirty. Is that the expression? Those days are long gone now. I mean, would I love if they were…
-
A lesson on growth This weekend is a busy one for us. The start of summer is a busy season for every parent of school-aged children. At the end of the school year, we congratulate ourselves for making it through nine months of impossible feats of scheduling and logistics with the granddaddy of them all.…
-
This morning, I am remembering myself. If you’ve struggled to balance your mental health, you have firsthand experience with a varied sense of self. At the moment of your lowest low you are still yourself, but you are also not you. You are some sadder, more lifeless copy of you, desperately scraping back toward the…
-
What it’s like to be a woman tw: I mention the reality of sexual violence During the pandemic I took up walking around my neighborhood. What started as an escape became a choice activity. I’ve grown to really enjoy admiring my neighbor’s lawn ornaments and their well-tended gardens. On days I can afford the time,…
-
Lessons of the sunk cost fallacy. One thing that makes my heart happy is turning off my wifi while I write so they can not interfere in my process of telling the truth. I realize this is a tad on the tin foil hat side of thought, and that really, we are all already on…
-
Part of the Problem Solvers Series There is nothing more annoying than a problem identifier. You’re sitting there spinning 4 plates and the chubby cheeked kid in the front row points out you dropped the fifth one awhile back. This week I attended election judge training for the primary coming up in my state. I…
-
The Audacity of Men If you’ve seen the Barbie movie, you heard America Ferrara perform her monologue on the absolute paradox of womanhood. After what seems like an endless list of conflicting requirements for women, she is at a loss for what to do about it. It’s difficult to know where to land on the…
-
Existing in a world of wars I started meditating during the pandemic because it was the only thing I could think to do. I found myself drawn to meditation tracks featuring Buddhist principles and I often choose those now, when my mind is racing and I feel I would benefit from a bit of meditative…
-
When Britney really hit her stride, and they did her wrong. I celebrated a big birthday a few days ago. I am 40. This year, a couple of close friends gave me very thoughtful gifts that I was not expecting. I’m uncomfortable with the idea that people want to do nice things for me simply…
Life with ink 