Wild hearts can’t be broken

Suddenly, I feel as if I remembered a part of myself that I knew I had forgotten. There is an ocean of words inside me, all fighting to be the first to crash. As a result, nothing does. I wait. I watch. I hope for a peaceful outcome.

Isn’t that weird? That you can remember that you forgot something? What is it that you are remembering? It’s more like a feeling really, a sense. To me, it feels like a kind of absence inside my self. Like a missing pixel in my rendering. There’s a hole that isn’t spoken for and I don’t know who to ask about it. I’m sure it feels different for everybody though. I’m quite used to not remembering. It’s kind of my main mode. There is something unnerving about knowing you have forgotten, or perhaps worse, almost remembered. It’s hard to keep the anxiety at bay. I’ve gotten better with practice.  

Remember that song by Gotye? He sings “now you’re just somebody that I used to know” but in his voice you can hear that nothing could be further from the truth. She will never be someone that he used to know. He will always know her. In fact, he will never be able to forget her. She’s written in indelible ink on his brain. Is that where the pain comes from? The ink activates an immune response in the brain? You can’t erase indelible. I feel like my brain is covered in invisible, indelible ink.

I truly hope these words are helpful to someone. They’ve been helpful to me. That’s worth something.